

It's as though battling with your mother-in-law is an inevitable part of marriage' ' The simple truth is that common sense vanishes when a wife comes up against her husband's mother. But, when he told me about his childhood, instead of cooing appreciatively, I felt an ugly envy. Madly in love, I was greedy to know every last detail of his life before we met. The warning signs were there as soon as Michael and I started seeing each other - I felt deeply territorial about him. Two women - decades apart - vie over the favours of a man who often doesn't realise a battle is being fought over him It's the stuff of sitcom jokes and Greek tragedy. It seems so undignified, so mean and so irrational. It's simply that most of us are too ashamed to admit it - even to ourselves. It may sound unbelievable, but I'm convinced I'm only voicing what most wives feel. It's as though battling with your mother-in-law is an inevitable part of marriage. The simple truth is that common sense vanishes when a wife comes up against her husband's mother. But from the moment I met her, I felt we were in competition for her son's affections. Though she loves both her sons, she certainly isn't unhealthily besotted with my husband, Michael, and has always welcomed me. My mother-in-law, Sharon, is a charming, level-headed woman. And for years and years I needed to prove to myself, and to her, that he loved me best. I was insanely jealous of her simply because - like every mother - she was my husband's first love. How do I know all this? Because this is exactly how I treated my own lovely mother-in-law. When I phone, she will do a horribly accurate impression of me and sneer while my forlorn voice begs to the answering machine: 'Please darling, give your mother a call, just so that I know you're all right.' I am haunted by the vision of this pretty young girl, snuggling up to my son and casting a dismissive eye over my crow's feet and thick waist. Just the thought of it sends me into paroxysms of a kind of envy that is uncomfortable to admit. And won't my daughter-in-law revel in rubbing my nose in it? It won't be his wife who's thrown out into the cold. When in-laws become outlaws: Jane Fonda and Jennifer Lopez in the film Monster-in-Lawīut even as that wicked little thought crept into my head, I knew it wouldn't be that way.
